I hate having to wake up early in the morning in order to travel. More often than not it ruins the rest of my day, with my body & mind both disoriented and rebellious. This morning began no different. It was just a little after 6:00 AM when we set out, and the sun had just begun to rise over the mountains. But a few minutes into the drive down hill, and I was overwhelmed by God’s greatness. The road we were driving down had massive landslides from the recent rains left, right & centre. It saddened me to see the loss of property & the “ugliness” of the destruction and state of affairs, if you will. The poor locals headed to work in the tea estates had to travel by bus to one point, walk a distance over badly damaged road, and catch another bus at the other end.
However, as I looked beyond & over the steamy valleys below, a beautiful sight beheld my eyes. (Too bad I didn’t have the time to stop & take pictures, but I know those images will be forever engraved in my mind’s eye.) As I gazed at the stunning hues splayed across the early morning sky, I could not help but feel a glimmer of hope and thanks well up inside of me. I had to gulp down that familiar lump in my throat and hold back tears, even as I looked back on the year that has passed.
Just like my path this morning, my life’s path had been forcibly altered and it hadn’t been easy. I had known the new path ahead would be long and winding, but little had I expected it to have as many pitfalls of it’s own. This past year, of all my years so far, would have been the most convenient for me to simply look at my circumstances and get discouraged, angry at God, and grow increasingly fearful of what the future would hold. But all it took was for me to take the focus off of myself and my immediate path, to look beyond into the awesome beauty that God had surrounded me with, and to know that He had promised beauty for ashes, a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. The God who displayed His power, majesty and glory over the loss, sadness and fear around me this morning is the same God who has carried me through my hardest times and been my strength in my weakness, particularly this last year. All I can say in return, is “Thank you, Lord!” as I lay down my life once more for Him to take, use, mould, form… transform into a masterpiece for His glory.
(These simple lines came to me as we rode down, and they express my thoughts this Thanksgiving:)
As the sun rises o’er the mountains,
The mist akin to a sea
A melody wells up in my soul,
A song of thanks to Thee.
For memories and times gone by,
For the future yet to be,
For all You’ve giv’n and done thus far,
And what’s in store for me.
Take my life and use me Lord,
I come on bended knee;
A vessel fit and for His fame,
This is my only plea.
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Posted in Earth Feast, Here Comes the Sun, The River of Life, The Wind in the Willows, tagged accident, Apple, Apple Logo, Apple Service Center, blame, Chennai, dropped MacBook Pro, faith, force quit, God, guilt, hard drive crash, laptop, Mac Forums, MacBook, MacBook Pro, miracle, perfectionist, prayer, remorse, restart, shame, shut down, spinning wheel, white screen on May 9, 2009|
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It’s late Saturday night, and I’m working. That’s right. Working. Kami leaves in a day and we have a lot to work on before that. My mind is a mess and I can barely think straight anymore. I close my Macbook Pro and lay it down on the floor because dinner is about to be laid out on the table in front of me. Yawn! Oh, there’s space up on the side table, why should my laptop be on the floor? So I bend down to pick my laptop up and transfer it to the side table, and then the unthinkable happens. The laptop slips from my hand and hits the wooden tiles about half a foot below. I pause midway in fatigued shock. “Oops! That’s not good!” I exclaim. “Not good at all!” reiterates Kami. I pick it up and open it. It seems fine. No damage. The monitor is fine, all my opened files are still open as I left them. “Thank goodness!” These Macbook Pros are really built well!
A couple of hours later I’m still working on my laptop when it hangs. Force quit. Won’t happen. Force shut down and restart. But then again, time to go to bed and give my laptop some rest too. So I shut down and hit the sack.
The next morning I start my laptop up, wanting to copy some files onto my pen drive to take print outs of before Kami & I head to church. I complete my ablutions and return a good 15 minutes later. The screen is still white, with the apple logo and spinning wheel. Panic hits me. What’s wrong? It’s never done this before. I force shut down and re-start again. Same thing. Now I feel guilty for having been so careless to have dropped it down. I clutch it to my chest, almost willing it to work again, and silently praying, “God please make it work!” Why couldn’t I have just left it on the floor? I knew I was tired. I should never have put it down in the first place! I try all the start-ups I’ve read about on Mac Forums. SMC, Target Disk – ah, at least the firewire symbol shows up when I do that, but I have no firewire or external hard drive to try and copy my files to. Of all the times, I chose this time to leave my external hard drives back home while I was travelling on work! I immediately text message the only two friends I know who use Macs to get some information about authorized Apple Service Centers in Chennai.
My head is spinning, but I don’t want to miss church on account of my laptop. So Kami and I head out and pray that my laptop will be fine when I come back. I have a smile across my face all through but inside I’m thinking, “How could I have been so stupid! I should have known that something was wrong when it hung last night. Now what am I going to do if something is seriously damaged? How can I afford to get it repaired? It wouldn’t be fair for me to expect my company to pay for the repairs on account of my carelessness. God, I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to drop it down! I was tired, and it was just a mistake! I know I shouldn’t have been so careless. I should have stopped working when I got tired. I’m really, really sorry! I take responsibility for my actions. I’m ashamed of myself and I know I’m to blame! Please forgive me for being careless, and God, please make my laptop fine by the time we get back. I don’t know how to fix it myself, but I know you can.”
Confident that my faith will be rewarded, Kami and I enjoy church and a good lunch and return to our room at the hotel after an adventurous ride in an auto rickshaw. The first thing I do is rush to my laptop, lay hands on it and pray silently before starting it up. Bong! Start up sound. White screen, apple logo, spinning wheel… … … … 15 minutes later it tries starting itself up again and fails. Crest fallen, I force shut down. God didn’t choose to do a miracle, so it’s up to me to do the next best thing, which is to be practical. So I try calling the service center. It’s Sunday and they’re shut, so I leave a message. Thankfully, the address is close to our hotel, so the next day I won’t have too much trouble finding the place after Kami leaves for Mumbai. Remorse overtakes me, but I’m too proud to let it show. This is an accident gone far too wrong and out of my control. I hate not being in control of my situation. I’m a perfectionist and just can’t do things wrong! There’s got to be something I can do to make amends!
Wait a minute… The first time I had a problem with my laptop, an important relationship bit the dust. The second time, my Dad went to be with the Lord. This time, what or who had died? God, you taught be something through each of my previous situations as bad as they were. What is it you want me to learn this time?
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Everyday you trudge through
Wondering what your life is coming to
Ain’t got nobody to lean on
Seems like hope’s forever gone…
Who will answer when I cry out?
Who’ll pay heed to my despair?
He will answer, He’ll be there
To comfort you with loving care.
He listens to your every prayer;
He’ll answer you somehow, somewhere.
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