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Posts Tagged ‘life’

I hate having to wake up early in the morning in order to travel. More often than not it ruins the rest of my day, with my body & mind both disoriented and rebellious. This morning began no different. It was just a little after 6:00 AM when we set out, and the sun had just begun to rise over the mountains. But a few minutes into the drive down hill, and I was overwhelmed by God’s greatness. The road we were driving down had massive landslides from the recent rains left, right & centre. It saddened me to see the loss of property & the “ugliness” of the destruction and state of affairs, if you will. The poor locals headed to work in the tea estates had to travel by bus to one point, walk a distance over badly damaged road, and catch another bus at the other end.

However, as I looked beyond & over the steamy valleys below, a beautiful sight beheld my eyes. (Too bad I didn’t have the time to stop & take pictures, but I know those images will be forever engraved in my mind’s eye.) As I gazed at the stunning hues splayed across the early morning sky, I could not help but feel a glimmer of hope and thanks well up inside of me. I had to gulp down that familiar lump in my throat and hold back tears, even as I looked back on the year that has passed.

Just like my path this morning, my life’s path had been forcibly altered and it hadn’t been easy. I had known the new path ahead would be long and winding, but little had I expected it to have as many pitfalls of it’s own. This past year, of all my years so far, would have been the most convenient for me to simply look at my circumstances and get discouraged, angry at God, and grow increasingly fearful of what the future would hold. But all it took was for me to take the focus off of myself and my immediate path, to look beyond into the awesome beauty that God had surrounded me with, and to know that He had promised beauty for ashes, a garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. The God who displayed His power, majesty and glory over the loss, sadness and fear around me this morning is the same God who has carried me through my hardest times and been my strength in my weakness, particularly this last year. All I can say in return, is “Thank you, Lord!” as I lay down my life once more for Him to take, use, mould, form… transform into a masterpiece for His glory.

(These simple lines came to me as we rode down, and they express my thoughts this Thanksgiving:)
As the sun rises o’er the mountains,
The mist akin to a sea
A melody wells up in my soul,
A song of thanks to Thee.
For memories and times gone by,
For the future yet to be,
For all You’ve giv’n and done thus far,
And what’s in store for me.
Take my life and use me Lord,
I come on bended knee;
A vessel fit and for His fame,
This is my only plea.

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I’ve learned in all my difficult circumstances to stop and ask God, “What do you want me to learn from this situation?” – something my Dad set a great example for. I admit that I haven’t spent as much time as I used to with God of late. I’ve been so caught up with travel and work that I’m way behind my Bible reading schedule too. So, is this Your way of telling me I need to focus on You and spend more time with You? Am I drowning You out in all my busy-ness and leaving no room for Your voice to be heard? Forgive me, Father. Speak Lord, Your servant is listening…

“I forgive you. You have to forgive yourself and let it go.”

I do.

So… I take my laptop for servicing, and they find that there is no external or internal damage, but it turns out the Hard Drive has crashed – that too, more likely because of my having installed Norton Anti-Virus than my dropping it! What a relief! Thank you, Jesus! So much for all that guilt and self-condemnation! Either way, lesson learned:

1. Don’t install Norton AV on a Mac and then drop it down a few days later.

2. Don’t be careless and drop your Mac anyways!

Retrieving data would cost a bomb, so I agree to having them reformat my Hard Drive. But then a couple of days after reformatting, it crashes again. So this time they have to actually replace my Hard Drive. Thankfully, my laptop is under warranty, so the next day I receive my laptop ship-shape, all updated and in working order, with a brand new HD only minus my files, and I haven’t had to pay even a single paisa!!! Whoa! I’m amazed! Datalogics is THE place to go for anything Apple in Chennai, and Mr. Diwakar rules!

(http://www.datalogicsindia.com/)

 

Then I stop to ponder how symbolic the whole situation is of my own life and where it has been. I had made a mighty big mistake but a few months back and put myself through the torture of blaming myself and trying to figure out what I had done wrong and what I could do to make things right. Oh, so much shame, pain, guilt and self-condemnation, not to mention the anger and bitterness! Over the months I had learned to accept my mistakes, forgive the other people concerned and ask for forgiveness myself – both of God and man. That done, I thought that I had learned all I could from my mistakes and that time would heal, but I was wrong.

Like my laptop I was at a fragile point in life and despite having taken all the precautions I thought necessary, I was on the brink of crashing under pressure. Nothing I could do in my own might could ever make things right – not the mind, not the will, not the knowledge or the power. Trying to reformat my system wouldn’t be good enough either, because somewhere there would always be a bad sector and time and again I would only keep crashing. Only He could take my corrupt, messy, wounded heart of stone and give me a pure, clean heart of flesh, a heart that could love again and be loved in return. All the trash of the past would be wiped out and I could begin again with a clean slate. No doubt it would be difficult to rebuild from scratch, but it would be well worth the effort. It was just a simple choice I had to make, and it would literally cost me nothing. I had a life-long warranty in Him.

So… I begin afresh by forgiving myself and letting go, giving it all up to my Maker and letting Him give me a complete change of heart drive.

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I’m a very impatient person by nature. I love things done on time and absolutely hate it when people arrive late for a meeting or keep dilly-dallying before they can get a job done. For me, things should be done as and when I ask for them.

Many of us are this way when it comes to things we need. We want this and we want that… and we want it immediately! When we find it hard to make both ends meet, we want a raise in salary that very month. Even as kids I’m sure we demanded toys and chocolates on the dot… “No, now!” is what we would have cried, throwing tantrums if we didn’t get our way.

Seems like impatience is imbedded in the veins of every human being, and to get it out of our system is quite a complicated task!

This is especially true when we demand things of God. Often we pray with the sincerest of faith, expecting miracles to happen – but nothing does (at least that’s the way it seems). We ask God for healing from a sickness, for help in a relationship that’s all messed up, to do well in our studies, or for good friends. But very often God does not seem to be listening.

That’s when we begin to doubt if God even exists and if there’s any use in praying at all. We get all worried and anxious about our situation and cause others around us to worry as well. In our impatience we sometimes even make wrong choices that we end up regretting later on in life. But then you ask, “What else are we to do???”

The Bible tells us not to be impatient. It says, “Wait patiently for God and He will come and save you. Be brave and courageous. Wait and He will help you.”

Well, I guess you think that’s better said than done. But have you ever tried it? Have you ever said to God in a tough situation, “God, I don’t know what you’re up to, but I’m not gonna lose hope. I trust you and I’m simply gonna wait for you to work things out for me.”?

Now don’t get me wrong, waiting does not mean just sitting and hatching eggs, it means waiting proactively. The Bible also says, “Don’t be impatient for God to act. Keep traveling steadily along His pathway and in due season He will honor you with every blessing.”

Wow! That’s something to think about! Waiting means being patient for God to answer you, but carrying on in the mean time with what we’re supposed to do. And there’s a promise that follows – that God will honor us with all the blessings we need – if only we will be patient.

Isn’t that awesome? I bet none of us wanna miss out on those blessings by being impatient and trying to get things done our own way, do we? No way! So if you’re in a situation today that is getting you all impatient and worried, leave it to God. Wait and He will answer you in His time.

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What can I do in my own might

To make people understand?

What can I say to make them see

It’s all as You have planned?

But Lord, You know things

More than any other,

Your ways are wise

‘Cause You’re my father;

And when You say to me,

“My child, sit still.”

I know you have in mind for me

Your perfect will.

So trust You, I must

With all my might,

Knowing You do things

Both good and right,

What fears I have

I place them down at Your feet,

Your will, dear Lord,

In my life do complete.

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Everyday you trudge through
Wondering what your life is coming to
Ain’t got nobody to lean on
Seems like hope’s forever gone…

(Bridge)
Who will answer when I cry out?
Who’ll pay heed to my despair?

(Chorus)
He will answer, He’ll be there
To comfort you with loving care.
He listens to your every prayer;
He’ll answer you somehow, somewhere.

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