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Posts Tagged ‘Easter’

For many people the last few days have meant hot-crossed buns, bunnies, goodies, and Easter eggs. But this Good Friday – Easter weekend has been a significant one for me. I’ve been able to think deeply about my life and make some important choices. For the handful of you I shared my thoughts with on Friday, you know the background and the place I was in when I started out. Just so you also know, there was some disappointment I faced the same day that led to the realization that all of the things I had had on my mind were simply foolish, unnecessary, and would only lead to harm. It brought me to a point where I felt ashamed, guilty and very stupid for even thinking on those lines. Where had the trust in God I had claimed gone??? Apparently, it’s much easier to just say very proudly that I trust Him but actually doing it, letting go and submitting one particular area of my life to Him is so very hard!

I ought to admit that I have been a strong-willed, stubborn mule of a girl right from childhood, always wanting my way and say in everything. Even my biggest mistakes in life seem not to have convinced me sufficiently that my way is not always the best way. I don’t always know what’s best for me. I don’t always know myself better than anybody else. I don’t always have the best plans and ideas for myself. It’s a good thing God does. I should know that well enough by now! How much more does it need to take for that to be drilled into my head and every fibre of my being???

So, Good Friday ended up being for me a day to literally put to death and nail on the cross some of my worst follies: pride, stubbornness and arrogance among the top few. Having done that, one might imagine I felt free and full of glee. No. Mere human that I am, it was followed by only sinking lower into anger, bitterness, self-pity, blame, hatred, and every abysmal emotion that it is possible for one to feel. I eventually succeeded in caving out a big tomb of self-condemnation for myself, sealed shut and left to waste away.

This Easter morning, though, I awoke with hope and a sober knowledge that I could break free of the tomb, rise from the depths and be alive again through the same power that once conquered death, sin and the grave and now lives in me. I took great comfort in knowing that irrespective of my worst sins (even my lack of trust in God and His perfect will and plans for my life, and my unwillingness to submit completely to them) I am forgiven, accepted and loved. Unconditionally. What’s more, I have the promise of life everlasting with the Almighty God Himself. And in light of eternity, all my recent concerns are nada, zilch, absolutely nothing.

I just began writing some lines in conclusion but felt they would best go in verse, so here goes:

Today I chose to trust you, Lord, to submit and obey;
Repentant come before You and earnestly pray:
Lord, not my will be done; I’d rather have Your way,
In You I’ll find my freedom and strength for every day.

I shed these weighty burdens – let them rot and decay
I break through every stronghold that has held me at bay.
As a bird emerges from its shell, where once it idly lay
In time I’ll spread my wings and to great heights fly away!

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