I thought the Marriage Seminar I attended was really really good, not only for those who are already married or engaged to be married, but even for singles who will some day need to tie the knot… I know not all of us have the privilege of attending such seminars or counseling sessions, and of course nothing can quite match up to the real thing, that too with such a cool speaker as C A Benajmin… but I thought it would be a good idea to post my notes from the seminar… some of it might not make complete sense (coz after all they are just notes), and I haven’t gone into elaborate detail, but the basic points and facts are the same. If anyone finds it interesting, they could probably study the references and go in-depth. By the way, I think some of the content is more suited to the Indian population (e.g.: Love Marriage Vs. Arranged Marriage).
LIVE-IN LOVE MARRIAGE SEMINAR PART I
Resource Person: Rev. C A Benjamin
God should be the foundation of marriage. Psalm 127 says God is a:
1. Planner
2. Provider
3. Protector
WHAT IS MARRIAGE?
A. Marriage as a Covenant (Prov. 2:17)
John 3:16 – Love is always followed by action
Deut. 4:13
Mal. 2:13
Marriage is a covenant
a. Before God: Your partner first belongs to God
b. By God
i) Made in 1 flesh & spirit
ii) To produce Godly offspring
c. Because God brought you together
i) God hates divorce
ii) God hates violence
B. Marriage as Companionship (Prov. 2:17)
a. Companionship that Cares (Prov. 17:17
b. Companionship that Confronts (Prov. 27:6)
c. Companionship that Counsels (Prov. 27:9)
C. Marriage as a Commitment (Prov. 5:15)
a. A commitment that establishes limits
b. A commitment that encourages love
Relationships in the Bible:
Adam & Eve – Blaming (Gen. 3:12)
Abraham & Sarah – Selfish (Gen. 12:13)
Isaac & Rebekah – Stabbing (Gen. 27:6)
Ahab & Jezzebel – Instigating (1 Kings 21)
Samson & Delilah – Nagging (Jud. 16:16)
Ananias & Sapphira – Compromising (Acts 5:18)
Elkannah & Hannah – Supporting (1 Sam. 1)
Job & Wife – Truthful (Job 2:8)
3 STAGES IN MARRIAGE
1. The Trophy Stage
- Intensity
- Idealism
- Indulgence
- Infatuation
- Ignorance
2. The Turbulent Stage
- Dullness
- Disagreement
- Defensiveness
- Disapproval
- Disappointment
3. The Trusting Stage
- Tenderness
- Respect
- Understanding
- Security
- Truthfulness
INFATUATION VS. TRUE LOVE
|
INFATUATION |
TRUE LOVE |
|
Something we fall into |
Something we grow into |
|
Self-centered |
Other-centered |
|
Leads to idealization without reality |
Leads to reality without idealization |
LOVE VS. LUST
|
LOVE |
LUST |
|
Unselfish |
Only cares for itself |
|
Comes from the heart |
Comes from flesh |
|
Is God |
Is not |
SEX OUTSIDE MARRIAGE
· Destroys the sanctity of marriage & the family
· Immorality causes emotional turmoil
· Immorality reduces sexual vitality
· Leads to sexual disease
· Hinders relationship with others
· Ruins reputation in front of others
· Destroys usefulness to God
MARRIAGE: LOVE OR ARRANGED
Doesn’t really matter, but you must look at 3 areas:
1. Abilities (what you are)
2. Interests (what you like)
3. Activities (what you do)
WRONG REASONS TO MARRY
1. Age
2. Sex
3. Loneliness or empty feeling
4. Avoid growing up
7 KEYS TO LIFE LONG LOVE
1. Don’t marry the person you think you can live with, marry the one you can’t live without
2. Don’t marry the one whose characteristics you think are intolerable
3. Don’t marry impulsively
4. Don’t clash over religious beliefs & practices
5. Don’t move in before marriage
6. Don’t marry too young
7. The stability of a marriage is a by product of an iron willed determination to make it work.
SECRET OF STAYING IN LOVE
1. Acceptance (Rom. 15:7)
2. Attention (1 Pet. 1:22)
3. Adjustment (Eph. 5:21)
4. Amnesty (Col. 3:13)
5. Appreciation (1 Thes. 5:10)
Flattery is built on lies
Appreciation is the truth
6. Affection (Rom. 16:16)
Say “I love you”
Spending time
Gifts
Touch
Priorities in life should be:
#1 God
#2 Home
#3 Work
CHRIST HONOURING
- Worshipping Home
- Welcoming Home
- Working Home
- Witnessing Home
That is really neat. My husband and I have been to a few seminars, but his is really neat. What were the comments on the bible marriages (eg. Adam and Eve – blaming).
Anyways – thanks for sharing your notes
Am glad you found the notes usefulll… well, since you asked, I found an article written by Rev. C. A. Benjamin on http://www.urbanindia.org and for others who might benefit from it, I’ll add it here:
Watch out
February 2, 2006
C.A.Benjamin
Watch Out for Ungodly Advice Within The Home
It is good to be married but then the journey is not smooth. On the way we have many decisions to make and it is important that we make the right choice, if not we’ll have to live with the consequences of our choices. We will have many advisors on the journey…… our spouse, children, in-laws, friends, pastors and counselors. Who do we listen to? Let’s take a look at a few couples in the Bible and see how they handled their relationships.
1.BLAMING RELATIONSHIP – ADAM/EVE Relationship Gen 3:12, 13 –
When we are confronted with the issue that we have created and we are put in a tight spot, we do not want to take responsibility for our actions, but instead we look for a scapegoat to blame it on and invariably happens to be our spouse.. Very often its because of our own inability to make the right decision. The blaming relationship is a devastating relationship.
2.SELFISH RELATIONSHIP-ABRAHAM/SARAH Gen 12:12, 13
We may call Abraham “father of faith” but we should never forget that he too had is own share of problems. Here you see that he values his life more than his wife’s. The Bible exhorts us to put others’ interest above our own. We sometimes use each other for our own selfish needs. In order to achieve what we want,we are even prepared to compromise our relationship with our spouse.
3.STABBING RELATIONSHIP-ISAAC/REBEKAH Gen 27:46
In this mother/son relationship, we see that the mother, instead of correcting the son, plays right into his hands, makes plans for him and then comes up with a story to protect him. Is she not cheating on her husband? She never told her husband the whole incident. Parents we need to watch out. Sometimes we tend to “protect” our children from getting punished and in the process we damage the child. What a tragedy! that was the last time Jacob saw his mother. Are we joining hands to cover up the truth?
4.INSTIGATING RELATIONSHIP-AHAB/JEZEBEL 1 Ki 21:7,15,16
King Ahab is now after Naboth’s land. He was coveting it for a long tome. Remember that he is a king; he has everything— the land, servants, cattle, etc. He does not need this vineyard. Greed was at the centre. He came home sulking because Naboth refused. His wife Jezebel, instead of advising him against it she instigates him to do evil.
Ahab got up and went to take over the vineyard. What a family! When you know that your spouse is wrong and you go out of the way to get his/her desire fulfilled in the wrong way will have a terrible end. Naboth got what he wanted but he never wanted what he got
5. NAGGING RELATIONSHIP – SAMSON / DELILAH Jdg 16:16
Have you experienced this nagging relationship? You have always stood for certain convictions and then after marriage, your spouse and your children begin to nag you and you give in and compromise on the very things you once stood for. It becomes so difficult for you to be different. Friends, watch out! it could be Disastrous for the whole family.
Let’s look at some positive influences. 6. SUPPORTING RELATIONSHIP – ELKANAH / HANNAH 1 Sa 1:8
Elkanah had two wives. Hannah did not have a child and she was in the temple crying everyday. In the midst of so much pain and provocation and ridicule, he comes to her and asks, “why are you crying”?” am I not more than ten sons?’ He Hannah was strengthened by those words. Is it possible for us to play a supporting role when our spouse goes through those low moments? Or are we judgmental?
7.TRUTHFUL RELATIONSHIP – JOB / WIFE Job 2:8 / 2:9 / 2:10
When Job was going through pain, his wife said,” curse God and die”. Many condemn his wife but I believe that she said it might be because she could not bear see him suffer anymore. She felt she could have him longer if he denied the Lord. But Job stood for his convictions. Yes, he was in pain. but he never yielded to that advice. She would have gone through pain of seeing him suffer, when she understood her husband we do not hear her complain again. It was blessed end.
8. HONOURING RELATIONSHIPS – AQUILLA / PRISCILLA Act 18:19 / 18:3
They opened their home for the teaching of the scriptures. They worshipped the Lord together and they were worshipping together and witnessed together. It is a relationship of Christ to the church
LESSONS FROM THESE RELATIONSHIPS
NEVER LOOK FOR CONVENIENCE BUT CONVICTION
BE GOD PLEASERS RATHER THAN SPOUSE PLEASERS
DO NOT HIDE THE TRUTH FOR FEAR OF PUNISHMENT
DO NOT LOOK AT YOUR SPOUSE AS A COMPETITOR BUT A COMPLIMENTOR
YOU ARE CALLED TO BUILD OUR HOUSE AND NOT TO BREAK OUR SPOUSE
FOCUS ON A STRENGTHENING, SUSTAINING RELATIONSHIP
Thanks very much. I really liked your notes. btw my blog is dreamom.wordpress.com – I got your message.
Rev.C.A. Benjiaman is one of the most awesome preachers i ve been with since i was 16 till my youth @ the Indiranagar Methodist Church, Bangalore. ANd thanx alot for this article by his and it u have more plz mail it to me
peace
Zak
This sounds like a really great seminar for men and women in whatever stage of a relationship they may be in. Thanks for sharing. I will have to compare this content with the retreat I am attending this coming Labor Day weekend.